Retreat

The Together in Ministry format is enhanced by a retreat experience. Ours was held at a local Benedictine monastery earlier this week, guided by a Catholic sister who led us through a time of introspection and silence. She encouraged us to go to a deeper level of intimacy with each other and with God. Her guiding thought was that Christ dwells in the heart, and that it takes focus to get in touch with what the heart has to say.

Here are some of the challenges I encounter when I try to find that focus. If you're a group leader or facilitator, especially for a religious group, you might be able to connect with them.

• I identify with Siler's comment: "Few professions are so tempted as the pastorate is by excessive attention, from adulation to censure, plus all the responses in between. The applause is as lethal as the criticism, maybe more so. How quickly we can become full of ourselves. Like all public leaders focused on outward presentation, we run the increased risk of an impoverished inner life." [1] While an inward focus calls me to step back from public evaluation, it isn't that easy. The voices of congregation, friends and family play a looping tape in my head. Filtering out the applause and the criticism in order to hear God speak takes work.

• Intimate moments in a group can be difficult to attend to. For me there is a temptation to back away from revealing deeper emotions or hearing those of others. Group members, myself included, will often look for safety in humorous remarks or self-effacing comments. Maybe that's why having a capable facilitator is a good thing. He or she can restore my attention to what matters.

• The same challenge comes when I try to "hear the intimate voice of the heart." My mind wants to go to the things I have done before, the things I "have" to do today, tomorrow, next week - anywhere to get out of hearing what God has to say within.

• Another distraction is the temptation to force the experience of introspection into a psychological frame. Freud and his followers have had a marked impact on how I view the world. Making a transition from that perspective to one of faith is an ongoing challenge. From a psychological perspective I try to explain away the validity of listening for God's voice. "It's your (subconscious) (imagination) - you fill in the blank. I'm also a child of my information-age culture. Surely there are immediate explanations for everything! Faith perspective is seen through the lens of what is hoped for, but is often inexplicable. I so want everything to be explained right away.

• Finally, there is the difficulty of sorting out my true identity: Who am I in Christ? Siler goes on to say, "The soul question is one of identity:Who am I, really? Am I my egoic (sic) thoughts and feelings? Am I my ministry? Am I more than my thoughts and feelings? Do I have deeper wisdom? [2] I really have to work in order to identify who and what defines me. Who and what determines my words, actions, and thoughts. The greatest pressure comes in not letting the people I truly care about - their needs and emotions - dictate who I am. God's voice is easily drowned out. I hear it with great difficulty. Maybe it's that way for you.

[1] Siler, Mahan. Anam Cara: Collegial Clergy Communities. Raleigh, North Carolina: Publications Unltd, 2008, p. 24.
[2] Ibid