Choosing Grace

A close friend who is undergoing cancer treatment commented recently that he had observed both "understated, raw courage" in fellow patients, and "mundane grace as performed by those who accompany them." He is interested in how people “make” moments of grace, using the situations we find ourselves in to "make love rather than hate; courage rather than fear; joy rather than terror or defeated resignation."

Implicit in his query is the assumption that social situations are constructed as we go along. They are made collectively as we initiate and/or act into relationships and social situations. To "make" moments of grace assumes an understanding of what grace is. From a New Testament perspective, especially as interpreted by evangelicals, grace is "undeserved merit" towards people by God. That definition is limiting.


In my world grace is what is provided to others who are not so much "undeserving" as they are unable to get what they need to be fully human on their own . It's the provision of the unattainable by one to another, be it love, food, shelter, encouragement, or healing. Such grace may indeed come from God, but my friend cites the presence of "mundane" grace - that which is human and earthly.


The possibility of creating grace in the mundane situations in which we find ourselves may depend largely on how we construe our connection to others involved. If we perceive ourselves to be in relationship with them, strained or otherwise, the door is open to deepening the bond by acting and speaking in ways that address their unmet needs. If we view ourselves out of relationship the desire to act graciously is minimized.


But it is also minimized if we continue to act habitually, especially if our habits are self-centered. Making grace requires empathy, and the williingness to explore it as a new way of communicating.